Undone

I don't know what it is
This feeling
This constant pain
Unending
No reasoning does it give
Just hurts
All the way through
And yet somehow I feel numb

What it is I am unaware
Or am I in denial?
Of something so blatent
I can't seem to put my finger on it
This feeling
It eats away
Leaves me bare
A cold hollowness

Saline washes down my face
These are not tears
It's just the pain talking
It has always been like this
But never so agonising
It's like I've lost something
But what I know not
Or someone may be

I haven't the strength to find
I heave my sighs like they are my last
I think of what it's like
To end it all
This misery
My company
What have I to lose
When all I had is lost

I'm sinking either way
What if I followed too
Like Plath, Virginia or Hemmingway
But I am too young to be senile
I will not be missed
No one will know
No one will realise
No one will want to

But I'm too tired
To do what I must
To get it over and done with
I'm scared I'll fail
Now there's something I'm familiar with
What will happen of me
I'm losing my mind
I'm at my wit's end

I tried to reach out
But in vain
I screamed
But not one soul could hear
Not one chose to listen
I pulled at the last straw
Till it slowly gave way
Now I'm hanging on for "dear" life (slow and painful is the way to go so you can remember it all)

So here I am
With but only one wish
That the pain should end
Here I wait
For a miracle
For something
Anything to get me out (and set me free)
Till then I will wait
Painfully tormented
But in hope.

Epic Hahas

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

To be or not to be isn't a question. It's a choice. We all have choices. There is never a time where you do not have a choice (except your family, when you were born and where..that was a choice your parents made for you, but a choice nevertheless). Sometimes we choose to ignore these choices either because they're too hard or painful or it's too simple or easy to even be considered.
I had a choice. I have choices everyday and yet I am the way I am. This isn't because I chose wrong. It's because I don't have the heart to choose what I must and choose for my good. Which is the problem with most troubled souls. We spend our lives giving in so much to others that it gets hard to make a choice just for one's own self. The guilt that comes with that choice often makes us regret it either way and revert back to the way things were. Yet even that is a choice.
One single choice later leads to a series of decisions already made because of that choice and most often than not it is irreversible and we must face the music like it or not ( and Im not talking about Lady Gaga here). I've made choices in my life some of which I'm not entirely proud of. I'm writing this to remind you and myself to choose wisely. To choose well.
Good night ( Another choice.. to bid a pleasant farewell).