Undone

I don't know what it is
This feeling
This constant pain
Unending
No reasoning does it give
Just hurts
All the way through
And yet somehow I feel numb

What it is I am unaware
Or am I in denial?
Of something so blatent
I can't seem to put my finger on it
This feeling
It eats away
Leaves me bare
A cold hollowness

Saline washes down my face
These are not tears
It's just the pain talking
It has always been like this
But never so agonising
It's like I've lost something
But what I know not
Or someone may be

I haven't the strength to find
I heave my sighs like they are my last
I think of what it's like
To end it all
This misery
My company
What have I to lose
When all I had is lost

I'm sinking either way
What if I followed too
Like Plath, Virginia or Hemmingway
But I am too young to be senile
I will not be missed
No one will know
No one will realise
No one will want to

But I'm too tired
To do what I must
To get it over and done with
I'm scared I'll fail
Now there's something I'm familiar with
What will happen of me
I'm losing my mind
I'm at my wit's end

I tried to reach out
But in vain
I screamed
But not one soul could hear
Not one chose to listen
I pulled at the last straw
Till it slowly gave way
Now I'm hanging on for "dear" life (slow and painful is the way to go so you can remember it all)

So here I am
With but only one wish
That the pain should end
Here I wait
For a miracle
For something
Anything to get me out (and set me free)
Till then I will wait
Painfully tormented
But in hope.

Epic Hahas

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

To be or not to be isn't a question. It's a choice. We all have choices. There is never a time where you do not have a choice (except your family, when you were born and where..that was a choice your parents made for you, but a choice nevertheless). Sometimes we choose to ignore these choices either because they're too hard or painful or it's too simple or easy to even be considered.
I had a choice. I have choices everyday and yet I am the way I am. This isn't because I chose wrong. It's because I don't have the heart to choose what I must and choose for my good. Which is the problem with most troubled souls. We spend our lives giving in so much to others that it gets hard to make a choice just for one's own self. The guilt that comes with that choice often makes us regret it either way and revert back to the way things were. Yet even that is a choice.
One single choice later leads to a series of decisions already made because of that choice and most often than not it is irreversible and we must face the music like it or not ( and Im not talking about Lady Gaga here). I've made choices in my life some of which I'm not entirely proud of. I'm writing this to remind you and myself to choose wisely. To choose well.
Good night ( Another choice.. to bid a pleasant farewell).

Hello World

I haven't poste anything in ages. Writing became painful for a while. Too many emotions all mixed up. Too much pain to pen down but my hand failed me and sometimes so did my mind. Final exams are on again and so the writing begins..again. As always exam time is a time for me to reflect on things because as it happens to be, I would do almost anything else except study. I do miss writing quite. I see pennings of other people, friends, acquaintances and I do not connect. It all seems so articifial. There is no emotion behind the writing. The reader is forgotten about even if the reader is one's own self. People just tend to go off on a tangent, self indulgent people infatuated with their own words :) (as someone calls it).
Is it really true that anyone can write? Am i anyone? I don't want to be. I want to be gifted. I want to write sense, things that will comfort the soul, things that will give me as escape. How I had missed that warm feeling that one is overcome with when filled with the inspiration to write.
Today, however it wasn't the inspiration that made me write, it was the disgust after reading tons of nonsense written by people who know not of any true feeling that made me mad. So here I write even with that anger, with sadness of a sort against all those people who write to seem intelligent but in fact are not.
Well thats about it for my thought. Till I write again..

Self Inflicted Happiness

I Just like saying the phrase..its self inflicted happiness :)

I LOVE YOU ♥ I DO

These are words you can say to your friend, your mother, to your boyfriend/girlfriend, your wife/ husband, your little dog or even at your favourite flavour of ice cream!!..Sometimes you want to but you dont. Regardless of the recipient or even if these words are just said to yourself, it makes you feel warm and happy inside. It doesn't take much effort or time to say, but it does take heart.

A Dog's Retort - Lu Hsun

"I dreamed I was walking in a narrow lane, my clothes in rags like a beggar.

A dog started barking behind me.

I looked back contemptuously and shouted at him : "Bah! Shut up! Lick-spittle cur!"

He sniggered.

"Oh no!" he said. "I'm not up to man in that respect."

"What!" Quite outraged, I felt that this was the supreme insult.

"I'm ashamed to say I still don't know how to distinguish between copper and silver, between silk and cloth, between officials and common citizens, between masters and their slaves, between..."

I turned and fled.

"Wait a bit! Let us talk some more..." From behind he urged me loudly to stay.

But I ran straight on as fast as I could, until I had run right out of my dream and was back in my own bed."

-Lu Hsun. April 23, 1925

This was one of the most inspiring pieces I have ever read. So old is the piece and writer and still so prevalent for modern times. The piece inspires not only creativity, humour and the power of imagination, but also empathy, insight and most of all tolerance!

BUSTED!!!

Examinations!  Why do we have them? Rarely are exams welcomed for what they are actually worth.

The initial purpose of so called examinations was probably to assess the knowledge of a person and to know exactly how much of a certain subject or topic, the individual is aware of.

Competetive exams are all well and good if that initial purpose doesn't get lost. However, seemingly, examinations are set so as to put individuals down as miserably as possible. It diminishes morality or whatever is left of it rather than encourage.

Examinations in India today seem not only bent on assessing how much we DO NOT know rather than what we DO know, but it turns people against one another in fierce unhealthy competition that leads to detrimental and not to mention purely evil statergies to ensure your "friends" or "colleagues" fail miserably while you come out with flying colours.

There is no margin left today for free thinking or any sort of thinking. Interpretation and reasoning has gone out the window. The only kids who seem to ace their papers now are the ones who learn by heart every word from their texts to the "T". They do not think, they do not question, they do not WANT to know how or why and eventually they do not LEARN. Isn't that what education comes down to? LEARNING?...If only the system changed. Wishful thinking it will remain atleast for as long as I am a student.

Ignorance

Dont pretend to know me

Because you dont.

Dont pretend to care

Because Im sure you wont.

Dont lie to my face

Because I can see right through you

But most of all dont pretend to love me

Im well aware of your clever ruse.

Dear Dad

Vivid are my memories of you.

The way you looked

The way you smelled

You were my hero.

My little tiny hands you put in yours

Held it tightly in you veined palms

Wrinkled and toughened over the years

But strong all the same.

I'd listen intently

My knees folded against my chest

To your stories so elaborately told

Amazed, amused, in awe of you.

You were my tower of all strength

Your voice that lulled me to sleep

Your name, my first spoken word

How that tower came crashing down!

Why'd you abandon me and leave?

Was I that horrid to live with?

Did you ever love me or was it all untrue?

Or was it because I wasn't the son you wanted?

I never asked for anything, no crayons, no dolls.
All I wanted was to be your little girl.
All I wanted was your love
But you thought only of yourselves.

Now I'm not a little girl anymore.
Now Im starting to forget..
Your face, your smile..it's becoming evanescent.
I struggle to remember now.

But still I'll wait for you.
To see you one more time.
To refresh those waning memories.
To see my tower rise again from the ashes.

Thoughts on a Dying World

All these voices all around.

But I hear the silence in my head.

Shedding my skin like a snake.

I was ignorant, now I know!

My heart once full, now forlorn.

Lead now flows through my veins.

The filth of this world, stained.

Hear hear! but who will listen?

We all live in solitude together.

Pain and agony in this world manifests

I'm tired, I lay my head to rest.

Where there was love, there is now animosity.

Where there was joy, there is agony.

Where there was hope, there is misery.

Where my heart was in conflict, there is now tranquility.

^^^^****^^^^



Damnation Take Me

To him I cry

Who holds my soul in his grasp

To him I plead

Not to crush and pulverise it

For that is all I have left of me

All thats left that gives me life.

I watch as I see him stare at it

His lips curled into a sinister smile

I dare not fathom what his thoughts might be

I know him only too well, so horrifying is he, so vile.

To him I smile

Hoping he has a heart of his own

To him I beg

For my freedom, for release, for tranquility.

He looks down at me with that face so bitter

Looks into my eyes and sees me for all I am

I reach out slowly grasping in pain

He really is nothing like any other man

To him I sing

In a final attempt to win him over

To him I say

"We both know it isn't of much worth to you"

He looks down at me again, serene this time

I look up and see, the tears welling up in his eyes

My soul is now his, its become him, Im sinking

Where my heart had once been, now the last flame dies.

My Little Girl(old)

Little girl,I'm right beside you,Im right here

From behind the shadows I listened to your prayers

From now until forever more

I'll hold your hand,of that Im sure

Listen to that voice deep down in your heart

If you listen real hard,it never will part

Look within yourself for the truth that lies

I'll be with you always,even across a thousand miles

Little girl dont worry,I'm always here

No matter how far you are,Im near

Dont listen to anything they say

I promise I'll show you brighter days

They beat you,they hurt you,they tore you apart

They left you aching,alone in the dark

Helpless,abandoned,numb,and in need

From those seeds,hate began to breed

Little girl I'm here dont cry

Wipe your tears it'll be alright

Open your heart and lose all fear

Hold on tight,the end of the road is here

Im here,your guardian angel,I'll keep you warm

I'll stand by your side,be your shelter from the storm

Now you've found solace,you're safe,you walked through that whilte light

No more sorrow,no more pain,good night my little girl,sleep tight.

Liner Notes??

Liner notes for an imaginary record that I will make nd which will sell for millions.. To all those who thought I cudnt do it and to that voice in my head...I LOVE YOU >_<